come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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