I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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