I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
