I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
