Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize