i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
