Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
