she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
