Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
