I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i came on her dog
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize