im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize