Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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