I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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