My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
