i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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