And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
