Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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