how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
