even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
