Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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