im so drunk with asians
where?
always
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
