Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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