a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
