making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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