I was born with a shot glass in my hand
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
