and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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