Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
No subtext here. People are naked.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
