I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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