We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
