Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
