Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
