Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
