I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
