You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
