So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
