i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My ass is underappreciated
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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