Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
