I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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