it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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