It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
