I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
