Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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