She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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