My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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