are you still at the devil's house?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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