I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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