Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It's blow job season.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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