im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
