OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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