I think I died a long time ago.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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