i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
