Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
