Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
