Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
