No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
