Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
