I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
