she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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