Define "chronic" masturbator.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
