Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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