They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
