I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I need water and some morals
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
