Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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