My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i just had sex bonerless
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Randomize
