you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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