too bad you live with your parents still
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
