just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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