She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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