Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
