2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
jump out the window naked night went bad
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
